Sleepless Nights

I have had a lot of sleepless nights lately. I am not completely sure why, but I have a good idea. I know I have had a little more stress lately, with getting the house ready, trying to find a new home in TX, finding schools(anyone have suggestions, let me know!!! private or public), and all the other bull honkey that come with moving. Also, with the unit gone now, I have spent countless hours remembering the day Joel left, the day he came home on leave, what he said to me, the words he used and everything else that we talked about. I do that frequently, but in the last week or so, it has been much more frequent, if not constantly. I have been having such a hard time sleeping that the other night I got out of bed and started cleaning, thinking for sure that would make me tired. Well at 230am I got back into bed, still wide awake, thinking of Joel and the move, and decided to try and read. That should put anyone to sleep, right? Well at 3am I decided I needed to just close my eyes or I would still be awake at 630 with the girls. I was so tired yesterday, so much that I thought for sure I could take a nap. I layed down on the couch, covered up with a blanket and tried to fall asleep, not a chance! So for the first time since JOel died I took a sleeping pill, wowie, zowie I slept like a rock, did not remember any of the crazy dreams I may or may not have had. FAith actually had to wake me up this am adn say, "mama, don't we have school today!" I did not hear my alarm, nor do I remember my little one crawling into bed with me. That was a little scary too, I thought, geeze what if they needed me and I did not hear them because of the pills I took or there was an emergency and I slept right through it. Not a good thing. So, as much as I think I need to take them again tonight, I don't think I will. I need to be able to hear the girls if they need me, I need to be able to get up running if need be. Oh well, one sleep fulfilled night should do it for the next month or so, right?!! My mom tells me she never slept while all of us kids were home. I sure as heck hope that is not the truth.