Leaving tomorrow!

Ok, so we leave tomorrow morning at 629am! Could I have picked a better time or what? The girls are really excited for this trip, they are going to be meeting there Aunt for the first time and some new cousins! They cannot wait. Part of me feels really sad that I have not introduced them yet, but the other part of me says get over it and just go see your sister! That is what I am doing. I know Joel would be glad that the girls are finally meeting her and her kiddos. I just wish he were with us. I guess tomorrow will be a bitter sweet moment for us, or rather me but at least I have all of the good memories of that day. My 40 pound dress, my bustle that kept breaking, my brother, Melissa and his oldest daughter were there, my brother cutting his hair, finding out about their baby #2. Memories I would not trade for anything, it just makes me sad that they are only memories of a past life that I can't live anymore. I miss him...more than I ever thought it was possible to miss one person. I don't feel as lost anymore, but I sure as hell still don't feel like the old me. I guess I never will and I know this and normally I am ok with it but today I don't feel like being ok right now, I am just wallowing and I guess damn it, I deserve to today! I will be back on Sunday! Talk to you all then, unless of course I can find a computer to get onto!