May 15

May 15th.......right around the corner. 6 days. It would have been 9 years this year. It is hard to beleive that this day that means so much to me and was always a happy day is now a sad day. A day that I think about a lot, cry about and wish I could celebrate it with Joel. I remember this day like it was yesterday. The flowers, my friends, my dress, my family......my new husband and how handsome he looked in his dress blues. In one fell swoop it was gone. Taken in the blink of an eye and now I am left to dwell on the memories and dream about the past. I guess it is a little bit of a down moment for right now. The first two anniversaries....I dwelled on it for weeks...was miserable. This year I am trying to do it differently. To be a little stronger, more brave and move forward in a way that is not so painful for the month of May. Actually, on the 15th this year I will be flying to go see my sister for the first time in 9 years. I will get to hug my nephew who was a peanut the last time I saw him and now he is almost as tall as me and tickle two more whom I have never met. My sister will finally get to meet my little girls. It is going to be a great weekend, I just know it. I guess it will be a good thing to do on this day I have now learned to dread instead of be happy and celebrate. I know in time(I wish it was now) I will find a way to be happy on this day, to celebrate the 15th because of the way it impacted my life and made me the person I am. I just still have to get there.