Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Mary 15, 1999
happiest and proudest days of my life. I was so excited to be his wife, to know that I would be with him forever and have his children. Today, May 15, 2006 I spent our seventh anniversary at his grave site. I sat right on top of where he lays for all eternity. I cried, I laughed, I hugged the headstone. I cursed, I screamed quietly and I cried some more. I was happy and sad all at the same time, happy to be there with him, to pour him a glass of wine, to toast him and what we had accomplished in our short 6 and 1/2 years. I thanked him for all he has given me and continues to give me. I thanked him for our two beautiful little girls and I thanked him for giving me the strength to carry on, to do as he would want me to do. I talked to him today like he was there, I toasted him today as if he was there, except for pouring the wine out onto the lawn at Arlington National Cemetery. I don't even know if that is allowed, but I sure as heck don't care. I did it and I am so glad I did it, I am so greatful that my friend Brandon remember to get a bottle of wine for me, I forgot. I am so greatful that I was up there on this seventh anniversary. As hard as it was and as emotional as it was, I am greatful to have been there, to have spent this wonderful day with him, visiting, crying, laughing and praying to God that he will always be with me, no matter what course or direction my life takes. I know where he will be but more importantly I want him to be with our girls, to put them first, as he always did and to be with them and guide them to the right choices and right path all the time. I know that may be a strange anniversary wish, but my children are the best gift he gave me throughout the course of our marriage, so on this day I honor them as well and ask Joel to help me guide, teach and raise our girls. I know he will and I know he is. I am so thankful that even though he is gone from me in body, I still feel him, I still here him and I know that he is with me.