Lack of Blogs

Well, it has been quite a while since I have blogged, over two weeks. I guess you could say I have been pretty busy and also shut down emotionally for a little while. The six month mark was on May 6th, a tough day for me. Well...not as tough as I thought it would be, but still not easy. It was actually May 5th that I thought, holy cow I am not going to get through tomorrow. It all started by having a hellish day, long, drawn out and overtired. Then that evening as I was in the bathroom, Faith decide to give Brenna a haircut. A very short, very "stylish" cut. Brenna now has a "boy cut", you know the one, very short all over, spikey in the back and you have to wear earings and baretts so everyone knows you are a girl. I was livid., but finally realized that I need to cut the girl a break and not worry about it, after all it was only hair and it will grow back. I try and try to get her in for a cut, but everywhere was "booked" but there was not a soul in the shop. It was 30 minutes before closing time, but.......Oh well, we got it taken care of that morning. On top of that, I bought pine straw, not realizing how heavy and how long it will take me to put it all down! Ooops. Then I decide to take Faith and get a haircut. She wanted a short cut too, but I said the only way she was getting it cut was if she got it like Bren's so maybe she will learn not to do it again. Then as we are gettng the cut I met a man that knew Joel. It was a good meeting, but it was still hard. Overall, the 6th was not as bad as I thought it would be, the girls kept me going all day long and I finally realized that part of this may have been Joel's doing to keep me going...to make me realize, hey these girls need you more and you need to kick it in the rear Mary or you are going to miss out. Maybe not, but I like to beleive that. After the 6th all went smooth for a short while, just got very antsy about this leadership award I was going to go accept for him in DC. I was quite, short tempmered, agitated a lot and just plain grumpy. I avoided most forms of communication for a while, but I guess that was my coping mechanism for now. My mother came down on the 11th to help me with the girls while I went to DC. I am so greatful for that too. I could not have done this without her, but also to have her with me on Mothers Day was a blessing and I would not have made it through that day with out her. This would have been the first mothers day in 3 years that he would have been home. It would have been a wonderful blessing to have him there, but I had my mother and we honored him too, so it was still a good day. I guess I am now ready to talk, now ready to share some of these things and not hide behind my wall of seclusion. It may take the edge of a little for me, but in reality it makes it more difficult in the end. I am human and I need to talk to feel better but at times I guess I feel like it is ok to bottle up and be mad, but not for long. It has now been a week longer and here I am, just now getting it together to get these on my blog. I guess I was still not ready to talk, to share and to let it out. I think I am now.