Random thoughts

It is hard to beleive that one year ago, I was moving through pea soup thick fog. That one year ago I had just buried my husband and tried to move through each day. The 18th of November was the day that we buried Joel in Arlington. On that day this year, I thought of it all day long, what we did at certain times, who I saw, what I did and how I felt. I re-read articles from the funeral and relived that day. I forgot to send flowers and I regret that, very much. I just realized that I did not send flowers for Thanksgiving and I am a little upset with myself. I am going to call right now and put a order in to get it there as soon as possible. I feel like so bad about that. I know it is only his burial site and he is spiritualy not there, it is his body that God leant him, but....I still feel that I need to decorate and take care of him as if it was him. I know that sounds so silly.....but I do not have anything else left to do for him in that way. So....where does this leave me right now. Feeling guilt and regret that I forgot to do something that has seemed so important. I hate widow moments, I hate the forgetfulness that I have and I hate the moments that trigger the feelings of sadness, loneliness and regret. I miss him so much.