I am back!!

Hello all! Well we are all back, happy and tired but back home. It was a wonderful weekend, a lot of fun and a lot of hugs, new faces, smiles and laughs. It was a good weekend. That is probably the best I can say. To see my sister again, to hold her little ones and watch them run and play with my kids, was just to cool. Faith was a little mother hen to my sisters littlest boy(I am withholding names until she says it is ok to write them), it was so cute! She loved running around with him, chasing him and "being in charge". It was so cute. My Bren was all over my sisters oldest son and tried to be buddy buddy with the middle boy, but I think their personalities are to similar so they clashed just a little. You know it was funny, I was watching my sisters second little guy and he made a face at me when I asked him something and for a minute I thought I was talking to Bren. Their facial expressions and attitudes are soo similar. It is to cute, the bad thing for me is I now know this trate Bren has actually comes from my side of the family, not Joel's like I always thought! Hahaha..... I am going to post some pictures soon, I need to get permision from my sister first, but I will post some of my girls swimming and playing at the pool. They had a blast at the water park/pool. It was good for me to be there too, it has been so long since I have been back to that part of South Dakota. It is so pretty out there, the hills, the trees....just beautiful. I want to get back soon, to make more of a trip out of it, to see more of what I miss and most importantly see my sister again.

Leaving tomorrow!

Ok, so we leave tomorrow morning at 629am! Could I have picked a better time or what? The girls are really excited for this trip, they are going to be meeting there Aunt for the first time and some new cousins! They cannot wait. Part of me feels really sad that I have not introduced them yet, but the other part of me says get over it and just go see your sister! That is what I am doing. I know Joel would be glad that the girls are finally meeting her and her kiddos. I just wish he were with us. I guess tomorrow will be a bitter sweet moment for us, or rather me but at least I have all of the good memories of that day. My 40 pound dress, my bustle that kept breaking, my brother, Melissa and his oldest daughter were there, my brother cutting his hair, finding out about their baby #2. Memories I would not trade for anything, it just makes me sad that they are only memories of a past life that I can't live anymore. I miss him...more than I ever thought it was possible to miss one person. I don't feel as lost anymore, but I sure as hell still don't feel like the old me. I guess I never will and I know this and normally I am ok with it but today I don't feel like being ok right now, I am just wallowing and I guess damn it, I deserve to today! I will be back on Sunday! Talk to you all then, unless of course I can find a computer to get onto!

Kindergarten Roundup

Today is the day Bren and I chose to go to K-round up. Well, I chose anyways. Brenna does not want to go, in any way is she looking forward to going to the school today. It is actually really funny. Anytime we mention "school" she says, "I don't want to hear it! It is not for me!" Ummm......sorry Bren, but school is not an option. She has got it in her head the kindergarten is for little girls and in her mind, she is almost 6 and should not be there, she should be with her big sister in 1st grade with her fun teacher. Oh boy! I have 4 months to get her ready and pumped for kindergarten....I can already see the first day. Tempertantrum city, screaming and crying....fighting to leave the classroom and it will take 4 people to hold her back! I just know it is going to be a nightmare! UGH!!!!! Say some prayers for me everyone! With this little girl, I need all the help I can get! I don't know where she gets her drama act from!!! ;)

May 15

May 15th.......right around the corner. 6 days. It would have been 9 years this year. It is hard to beleive that this day that means so much to me and was always a happy day is now a sad day. A day that I think about a lot, cry about and wish I could celebrate it with Joel. I remember this day like it was yesterday. The flowers, my friends, my dress, my family......my new husband and how handsome he looked in his dress blues. In one fell swoop it was gone. Taken in the blink of an eye and now I am left to dwell on the memories and dream about the past. I guess it is a little bit of a down moment for right now. The first two anniversaries....I dwelled on it for weeks...was miserable. This year I am trying to do it differently. To be a little stronger, more brave and move forward in a way that is not so painful for the month of May. Actually, on the 15th this year I will be flying to go see my sister for the first time in 9 years. I will get to hug my nephew who was a peanut the last time I saw him and now he is almost as tall as me and tickle two more whom I have never met. My sister will finally get to meet my little girls. It is going to be a great weekend, I just know it. I guess it will be a good thing to do on this day I have now learned to dread instead of be happy and celebrate. I know in time(I wish it was now) I will find a way to be happy on this day, to celebrate the 15th because of the way it impacted my life and made me the person I am. I just still have to get there.

Rose Buds and Hanging Baskets

I got this in a forward today and I had to laugh my butt off! It is one of those silly forwards, but it is SO relative to things today that I had to share it. I can't tell you how many teenagers (and mama wanna be teenagers) that I have seen in shirts like that! Have a good read!

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show! And out she goes. The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate.....The grandmother says, loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets. Happy Gardening.

Rain rain go away!

My sister gets over 3 feet of snow, I get a days worth of rain and more! My sister lives in SD, way west, not far from Wyoming and they got dumped on by the snow machine last week. I was all happy and he, he, heeing over it. I am not now! We have gotten around 4 inches of rain, give or take a little and all in the time span of just one day. It poured all day long, my back yard looks like a swamp, but I guess I can see my grass and not just snow drifts!! I guess I am complaining about the rain a little, but at least it is not snow! Also, thanks to all who helped me with my little issue. I know it seems trivial and silly, but I really did not know what to do. My sister reminded me that this is an open forum, on the world wide web and I cannot control who reads this or not. The only thing I can try to control is how certain people use the information they read on this forum. I am not sure how I will do it just yet, but I will figure it out. So I am back, writing about what I need to write, doing what I need to do to keep moving forward and just living life. That is all I can do for now. I will be back tomorrow with more stories and information, gotta go scrub my two hoodlums for now. They both are looking pretty ratty!

The Truck is FOUND!!!

OK, so we found the truck! Yippee!!! (kind of) So on Saturday Justin found out that they found his truck in a border town called Laredo, it is in the South Western Part of the state, more west than south. The Sheriff he talked to said, it was in ok condition and probably drivable, it was just missing the back seat and the steering column was torn apart. We thought, ok not to bad, we just have to figure out a time and way to get to Laredo and get the truck. So on Tuesday Justin finally talked to the owner of the wrecker company where his truck was being stored. Ohhhhhh the Sheriff was sooooo wrong!!!! Here is the run down on his truck. The two back tires are flat, oh I mean slashed, the whole back seat plus the little storage area under the seats were torn out. The front seats are "not great" according to the man he spoke to, the steering column is not just torn up, but destroyed and they were hot wiring the truck to start it, so wires are everywhere. They had to disengage the drive shaft to tow the truck so the man suggested that Justin has it towed to the final destination for repairs so they can properly engage the drive shaft. Oh what a mess. We are waiting for the insurance company to tell him what they are planning on doing with the truck. If it is going to be claimed as a total loss or if they think that the repairs will be best. Some people are telling us that he can refuse to take the truck since it was stolen and used illegally, but I am not sure what the payout will be if he does that. I just hope that this all works out, for the better and soon! Well, it is time to go play with my Brenna. She is waiting so patiently in the toy room for me. I better go be a good mama and play.

Explanation and Help

Sorry that I have been off for the last 6 days. I have been hesitant in writing on the blog lately. Someone is reading my blog that I would rather they not read it. There are so many things that I need and want to write about, but I am keeping it tucked in for now. So for the next few days or so until I can get this sorted out, it is going to be pretty superficial and boring. I decided that I can't just leave my writing and thoughts alone again like I did a few months earlier, but I also can't let everything out like I have in the past, or I feel like that is the nice thing to do. On the flip side though, I have had another thought. This is my forum to write what I feel and how I feel and I should be able to do that, no matter who is reading it. There is a small part of me that feels like I should write whatever I want, no matter what and let it out. If the person that is reading this gets there feelings hurt, then oh well, they should have called me and gotten some of this information for themselves, right? (on the other flip side, I could call them and tell them my feelings and have it all out, but I am to chicken to do that.) I just don't know what to do. There is so much that I want to write and need to, but I feel like my private space is being invaded, all because of the selfishness of one person. I am really upset with them right now.