Saturday, March 29, 2008
Very Frustrated
Ok, so I am so totally frustrated right now, that I am just being a complete brat. I don't know what to do or say, but this happens often, so any input would be great.
Through out the last 2 1/2 years I have my periods of being withdrawn, frustrated or just plain weird, as we all do even when we are not coping with the loss of your soul mate. So I guess I am having one of those days today, not that I really noticed though, I was just goofy. If you knew me like my sister and some of my close friends, you would know that it was fairly normal, but I have days where the goofiness is a little stronger than usual. Today is one of those days, but at the same time in-between my periods of goofiness, I am just quiet(which is not so normal). So to get to the point, Justin has really tuned into this and has kind of made a big deal out of it. I am glad that he does because if he didn't I would probably be angry that he did not notice. So anyways he came up to me and said, "I just want to recognize that you are not yourself right now and it is probably because you mom picked up the last of her stuff today and I am sure it affected you, even though you are not there." Even if he is right, immediatly I got mad. Why should my mom's choices make me sad or upset?!?!(that is my brain thinking and my mouth staying shut). I refuse to see that maybe he is right, but maybe he is. I am just tired of feeling like I am under a microscope when I have one of my moods and I have told him this, but at the same time, is it that big of a deal, at least he notices, at least he cares enough to mention it and bring it up. I am just being a big baby. I guess I need to suck it up and drive on; as Joel would say. What would you all do?
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3 comments:
This may or may not be helpful because I know my situation is different, but this sounds a little like a problem that crops up sometimes with my husband.
In my case, I came from a very abusive family. Thankfully, I married a guy with a great family. I've been through counseling and feel like I really have gotten past most of it, but sometimes things bring it back and I find myself withdrawing again.
When it happens, I always want him to ask me about it, but when he does, he often tries to tell me how I feel and it drives me crazy. He really has no way of truly understanding. I get that, even as I wish he could really feel it, too. So, it's a catch-22 situation, I guess - I want him to talk to me and "get" me, but when he does (and can't), I get more frustrated than when I started.
I've had to just step back, tell him when I don't need to be psychoanalyzed, and accept that he doesn't get it, will never get it, and it's really ok. He loves me, supports me, and is there when it matters. This one thing he can't help me through as much as I want, and it's ok. The more I do that, the easier those moments are to get past.
I'm so sorry I haven't been on sooner. My computer has been kicking me off...I've been in the middle leaving a comment an wham banm I'm setting in front of a blank screen.
I'm with "ana".This may or may not be helpful. I was in verbal abusive marriage for 25yrs the first time around. It's been 22 yrs and still sometimes something will trigger memories. Mike use to do what Justin and other men do...psychoanalyze... After we had a talk, he now just tells me he's here if I need to talk about anything or just need a big hug. He loves me & supports me...but at the same time gives me my space. It's a man thing... they just want to take care of you,but for me space works and don't hug me or talk to me unless ask...and diffently don't tell me you know what I'm feeling...just be there for me...when I ask. Mike and I will be married 20 yrs in June,so it's working for us, hope it works for you.
You know how I handle things....drive to the country and when there is no one around........Scream at the top of your lungs. Works for me.
Just know your loved and supported.
Love Ya,
Glo
I'm so sorry I haven't been on sooner. My computer has been kicking me off...I've been in the middle leaving a comment an wham banm I'm setting in front of a blank screen.
I'm with "ana".This may or may not be helpful. I was in verbal abusive marriage for 25yrs the first time around. It's been 22 yrs and still sometimes something will trigger memories. Mike use to do what Justin and other men do...psychoanalyze... After we had a talk, he now just tells me he's here if I need to talk about anything or just need a big hug. He loves me & supports me...but at the same time gives me my space. It's a man thing... they just want to take care of you,but for me space works and don't hug me or talk to me unless ask...and diffently don't tell me you know what I'm feeling...just be there for me...when I ask. Mike and I will be married 20 yrs in June,so it's working for us, hope it works for you.
You know how I handle things....drive to the country and when there is no one around........Scream at the top of your lungs. Works for me.
Just know your loved and supported.
Love Ya,
Glo
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