Grief

Grief..it is an emotion that last forever.  Wikipedia defines it like this:  Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, and philosophical dimensions.  Yep, that sounds about right, but what people don't realize or understand is that it is something that stays with you forever.  This emotion just doesn't come when you loose someone and after that magical year it leaves.  It remains with you forever, it becomes a part of who you are, how you live and how you learn to re-live your life. 
Often times I have had people say, "but your better now, right?  You don't hurt anymore, it been 5 years."  Are you kidding me?  Really?  Sometimes I want to slap these people and say, REALLY?!  But I always respond with, "Well I don't cry everyday now, but I will always miss him and always love him.  It just doesn't go away."  That is the hard truth, grief never goes away.  It is a part of you forever, and ever.  It is something I am teaching my kids and am now helping a very dear friend understand this as well.  She lost her brother one year ago and as I watch this friend grieve, cry and hurt all I can do is offer hugs, prayers and tell her she will be OK.  The pain will eventually find it's place in your life where you can manage it and you will smile again, you will laugh again.  I think the biggest thing to understand when you are the one grieving is that it is OK to laugh, smile and be happy.  That you are not betraying them, that this is what our loved ones would want.  But that damn guilt sets in and you hurt all over again for still laughing, even for still being here, alive.  When my brother died it took me many, many years to understand this and after Joel died it all finally sunk in.  It all made sense, it didn't make it easier but at least I knew somehow someway I was going to make it.  I have made it and I am still making it each day.  Grief...it is a complicated emotion and it should not be taken lightly.  Grief is now a part of who I am and it will always be this way.  But I can still laugh, be happy and move forward, I have made grief an OK part of my life and for that I am happy.