Joel's Birthday

June 7th, 1971. A date I have not forgotten, even from the first moment that I started to know Joel. The strangest thing about this is, I have not told my girls that Joel's birthday was tomorrow, yet they both sensed it, they knew. I don't remember this being the case last year, but this year for sure, without a doubt it is. Bren, out of the blue today said, "mama, I am really missing papa and I know I will miss him more tomorrow." I said, why do you think that it is? She did not answer me and I said, "it is his birthday tomorrow." She said, "I know" and got teary. It killed me. My ever optimistic, mother hen of a child said, "well, why don't we make him a cake?" Now I am not sure if Faith had other motives here(she LOVES cake), but she had a darn good idea. Brenna thought so too, until she started to wonder how we were going to get a cake up to papa in heaven. So, we have worked out what kind of cake we are making, a carrot cake(more to this in a minute), and we kind of figured out how to send it to him. I think we are going to cut him a small slice, put it in a baggie and attatch it to a lot of ballons. I think he would get a huge kick out of that. The carrot cake, some would wonder why a carrot cake for a birthday cake, but not in our little family. Joel loved carrot cake and so does Faith. Bren loves the cream cheese frosting(who doesn't??) For Joel's 29th birthday, I made him a carrot cake, completley from scratch and if I could have grown, shelled, toasted, and chopped the pecans myself, I would have(that is how much love I put into this uneven, crumbly cake). Joel loved it, I don't think it was that great, but I know for him, it was the time and effort I put into it. I worked all day on it. From that point on, whenever the mood hit, he would stop by our grocery store and get a half of a carrot cake(just so I would not have to make it, or so he would not have to suffer the taste of it), we would both enjoy the whole thing. This will be the first time I have made a carrot cake since his 29th birthday, it will be good. It will be all three of us making the cake. I do not have a whole lot of anxiety about his birthday tomorrow, but at the same time it is another reminder that he is forever 34, not the 36 that he would have been if he were still with us. I miss him so much and I really miss not being able to buy him the gifts we would, instead I order flowers from the Ft. Myer Flower shop to be delivered to his headstone.