I have been sitting here tonight, contemplating what I am supposed to do for our anniversary on the 15th of May. I know that it is still a month away and I still have some time until I am supposed to go up to DC for te award ceremony, but.......I cannot figure out what it is you do to "celebrate" what would have been 7 years of marriage, "through sickness and health, good times and bad". How do you acknowledge that day, what do you do. I know that I want to be at Arlington on that day. I know that I want to take flowers and be with him. I know I am going to sit there as long as I need to, but......Part of me wants to bring up a bottle of wine because I know we would have had a glass or two, so maybe I will take a small bottle and give him a "glass" of wine. I just don't know. It seems strange to be even contemplating this right now, to even be considering this because if all had gone "as planned" he would be home for this, we would be either having a good time or having one of "discussions" which I miss so very much right now, as much as I hated it then, I miss it. Sometimes it is still hard to beleive that he is not ever coming home, that he will not ever be here agian. I miss that man so very much, more than many probably know or can even begin to understand. My heart aches, my brain is numb, my whole body hurts, my arms long to hold him. I wish I had been given one more day with him, I wish I had one more conversation, one more video that I sent him. One more of anything, but then again, if that had happened, I probably would still be wanting that "one" more. Most of all, I wish my girls had been given that "one more day", that one last phone call. My babies and what they are missing.