Sundays

Sundays are always the hardest days for me, the most difficult of any day in a week. I just recently found the strength to go back to church, which happens to be Sundays for us. I am wondering if this is for a reason, if this is the day that I should call on God the most to help me through these days. Today, as we were at church, I found myself thinking about a few hours from 830, 230pm. That is the time that Joel passed, the time that my world changed forever. I found myself wondering why this happened, why God thought that my girls and I were strong enough to handle this. The Priest was talking about Jesus always giving you the strength to handle all that he gives you, that he is always with you and it is up to us to call on him daily, not just in our time of need, but every moment. I thought about this hard and I realized that there has been many times that I did not call on God to help me, that I just kept about "business as usual" and knew he was there, but did not give him the time. Now that I am going through this moment in life, I find myslf calling him daily, sometimes hourly....I realize that as I am going through this journey, with my pain and my girls....I must remember to always call on him, no matter what the situation, good or bad and teach my girls to do the same. I know there is an underlying message to all that is happening right now and I feel that I am constantly learning new things about myself......how I handle my pain, how I try to help my children handle and understand their pain, how I need to remember to call on God for support, understanding and help through all moments in life, how I push away instead of pull in.....so many lessons, things I never took the time to think about, things that I know will keep me going and help me through this. Life is full of lessons, this I have always known, I just never really knew how many lessons I would continue to learn, even in this most difficult time. So as I continue on this Sunday, I know I will need a lot of support and help today, that I need to allow myself to have my memorie, my moments of sadness and my moments of joy. I pray that someday soon Sundays will become easier, but I know that will take a long time. Their is a song by Tim McGraw, She misses him most on Sunday, that rings very true for me.