Tough days ahead

As I finished the last posting, I found myself thinking about some upcoming days that I am not looking forward too. I would not say dreading, but close to it! On March 1st, Faith turns 5, that is the tops of the days I would rather let pass by. I remember her birth like it was yesterday, but more importantly I remember the day I told Joel I was pregnant, I was scared and upset, but he was so excited, he was about to burst! I was scared and upset becasue it was not in "the plan", I was supposed to go to OBC that summer and start my Army time, but that was all on hold for our first born, our first little blessing. I remember so many moments of that pregnancy, the raging hormones, Joel wondering if the wicked witch of the west who could cry at the drop of a hat had moved in and took his wife away. I remember having to resort to sweatshirts and heavy sweaters on the cooler mornings in TN because none of my winter coats would wrap around my huge stomach and Joel laughing at me because a small part always seemed to be poking out somewhere. I remember being in the kitchen around christmas time, making a brunch for our friends J and E, and Joel and I had opened our presents early, I bought him a video camera and he was "testing" it out. He was videoing me, talking about his beautiful wife with her HUGE belly and our soon to be beautiful daughter in their. I remeber telling him to back off before I threw scone batter at him, I was still in my PJ's and he is videoing me!! How dare he! I wish I still had that video, it was stolen along with our camera a few years ago. I remember calling Joel from the hospital on Feb 28th, Faith was due March 19th, I had went in for a routine appointment, and was diagnosed with oligo(decreased amniotic fluid), and Faith was a little sluggish, so they kept me for a while and decided it was time to induce labor. I was scared, Joel was in the field, I did not know if I could get a hold of him, I did not have my bag with me, it was packed but at home. I remember getting a hold of him and all I could was cry, tell him that the baby was going to come, that they were inducing me. I do not know where on post he was, but he said he had never driven so fast on post before. It did not take him long to get there. After 24 hours of pitocin, stripping of membranes and a few other unpleasant things, Faith finally came at 749pm on March 1st. I remember that day so clearly. Three pushes and she was here, Joel was grinning ear to ear and I made him go with her to the nursery while they finished. He did not want to leave either one of us, but she needed him more than me. I think back to that day and remember the little pink wrinkly runt scaring the hell out of us, she was not sure how to breath and eat at the same time, so everytime she nursed, she turned blue, it scared the hell out of me and JOel, but Joel was ever strong and did not show his fear, not in front of me. I remember one night waking up to go check on her in the nursery, they kept her in the nursery for a while to make sure she was ok and nothing else was wrong, and when I walked in there, there was my husband, this man who seemed to be made of steel at times, was holding her tiny little hand, rubbing her little chest with one finger and had tears in his eyes. I will not forget that moment, never. This is why I am not looking forward to her birthday, this is why I think it will be difficult. Not that all life events are not going to be hard right now, but......I had promised Faith last year that her papa would be home for her 5th birthday, that we would have a huge party. I promised her that he would take her to kindergarden after she turned 5. I think it is more of these promises than it is anything else that is bothering me more. I am hoping and praying that this day will pass quickly and easily, that this will all go by well and will be filled with happy memories.