Foamies and pictures

Today started out good, I have been conscious of the date all day, but I guess I have started reminding myself that it is a date, nothing more, nothing life altering, that this is mearly another mark of how far the girls and I have come, that we are surviving and making the most of each day, for the most part. This thought, as much as I can remind myself of it on the 6th of each month, it is all rosy and good, but when the moments hit, they hit and no matter how much I try to tell myself that it is only a date, it still hurts. Today, I am picking things up for Faith's birthday party this weekend, and as I am walking through Micheal's, looking around, I came across the foamies display, they are those sticky foam stickers that you can stick to just about anything. Well we would buy those a lot last year and make "crafts" for papa, we made picture frames, door knob hangers, pictures...things with their names and I Love You Papa on it. I walked past those, all most picked some up and started feeling that heaviness in my throat and chest and thought, "oh no, not in the store, I am not going to break down in the store". So I put them down, walked away and distracted myself by looking at something else, only to realize that this to brought on another near breakdown, I was looking at pictures to put up in my home, and I thought myself thinking, I wonder if Joel would like this. The memories of four months ago came rushing back, I almost left without my stuff, but I knew I had to be strong, there will be days when those moments will get me so hard that I have to leave, but if I push a little on these days, I will make it. It seems that moods and emotions can change in the blink of an eye, random little things bringing on a rush of sorrow and pain. I realize that this will continue for a long time to come, that this pain will crop up when I least expect it, no matter what I am telling myself or how I am trying to handle it.