These are the pictures I have written about a time or two. This is how I want to remember Joel, his strong cheek bones, his sharp, straight nose, his sharp defined chin, his dark hair and most definatly his irish eyes and his smile. I used to tease him about his smile all the time, sometimes he would conceal it and other times it would come shining through. I loved his smile.
This is the photo that Faith took of us the day he left, I love this photo of us. You can see the smile in his eyes as we wait for "his Faith" to snap a photo. You can see the love in his eyes and on his face. I look at this photo a lot and sometimes I find myself thinking, I cannot wait to see him again, only to realize, I hopefuly(godwilling) have a lifetime until I see him and can hold him again. I know I will see him in my dreams, but this is how I want to remember him, this is how I want him to look in my dreams. I know in time, my dreams will stop being about what I thought he may have looked like after the accident.
This photo Joel snapped, we wanted to have one of us before he left, and we wanted to make sure it turned out, I think that Faith's picture turned out a little better, but this one is special to me too. I remember us laughing while he was pointing the camera at us, I was trying to get a little more even with his head and kept stumbeling or pulling him over. It was quite comical and I think of that as I look at this photo. I remember holding onto him, thinking, man how I am going to miss hugging him, his strong arms....little did I know.....little did I know how much I was going to miss.....
The day after Joel died, I had been up almost all night and had been awake all day, crying, making decisions....finally I decided to lay down for a little bit, hoping to get a little rest. I remember laying in my bed, crying, praying, talking to Joel. I remember this like it was yesterday, I rolled over so my back was facing the side of the bed Joel slept on, I could not look at his side of the bed. I remember feeling this warm feeling and a little pressure on my back, like someone was there, I remember feeling this warmth go across left arm and onto my hand, like someone was trying to hold me. I think I finally drifted off for a little bit then, and woke up feeling a little bit better, I know that was Joel, trying to comfort me and hold me one last time. I think that was one of the very early signs for me that he will be with me, always. After talking to S the other day, he had told me that when he saw Joel, after the accident, he looked at peace, that he thought he was already on his way to be with the girls and I, I think he was right, I think Joel was with me the moment I found out but it was until I laid down that I finally "felt" him with me and knew that he was with me. Thank God for that, and also for those people that are helping me through this, giving me bits of information that will help me move along in this process.
As I look back at these pictures and and think back through this whole process I am going through, I realize how powerful many of these moments have been. How far these powerful moments have taken me. I am so greatful.
This is the photo that Faith took of us the day he left, I love this photo of us. You can see the smile in his eyes as we wait for "his Faith" to snap a photo. You can see the love in his eyes and on his face. I look at this photo a lot and sometimes I find myself thinking, I cannot wait to see him again, only to realize, I hopefuly(godwilling) have a lifetime until I see him and can hold him again. I know I will see him in my dreams, but this is how I want to remember him, this is how I want him to look in my dreams. I know in time, my dreams will stop being about what I thought he may have looked like after the accident.
This photo Joel snapped, we wanted to have one of us before he left, and we wanted to make sure it turned out, I think that Faith's picture turned out a little better, but this one is special to me too. I remember us laughing while he was pointing the camera at us, I was trying to get a little more even with his head and kept stumbeling or pulling him over. It was quite comical and I think of that as I look at this photo. I remember holding onto him, thinking, man how I am going to miss hugging him, his strong arms....little did I know.....little did I know how much I was going to miss.....
The day after Joel died, I had been up almost all night and had been awake all day, crying, making decisions....finally I decided to lay down for a little bit, hoping to get a little rest. I remember laying in my bed, crying, praying, talking to Joel. I remember this like it was yesterday, I rolled over so my back was facing the side of the bed Joel slept on, I could not look at his side of the bed. I remember feeling this warm feeling and a little pressure on my back, like someone was there, I remember feeling this warmth go across left arm and onto my hand, like someone was trying to hold me. I think I finally drifted off for a little bit then, and woke up feeling a little bit better, I know that was Joel, trying to comfort me and hold me one last time. I think that was one of the very early signs for me that he will be with me, always. After talking to S the other day, he had told me that when he saw Joel, after the accident, he looked at peace, that he thought he was already on his way to be with the girls and I, I think he was right, I think Joel was with me the moment I found out but it was until I laid down that I finally "felt" him with me and knew that he was with me. Thank God for that, and also for those people that are helping me through this, giving me bits of information that will help me move along in this process.
As I look back at these pictures and and think back through this whole process I am going through, I realize how powerful many of these moments have been. How far these powerful moments have taken me. I am so greatful.
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