Monday, March 27, 2006
Just Joel Day for all of us
Well it seems that all three of us are having a "Just Joel Day". I picked the girls up from school and they both seemed to be kind of down, not quite themselves and Bren started fussing and crying soon after we got into the car that she misses her papa, that she wants him. It dawned on me that all of us are missing Joel a lot today, that all of us just want to have him with us. I wish something would ease us all, I am trying to find something to do to help us all remember him and think about him and not miss him so much, but what kind of things do you do for a three and five year old to help them feel better about their papa being gone? Faith has hockey tonight, so maybe I will talk about how much Joel would have loved watching her play hockey, how scared he would be to see her up and rolling around on roller blades, but how proud he would be of her. I know I will find something to help the girls and in the end, if it helps them, it will help me too. It will help me feel as though I am doing some good here and giving my girls strength and in return giving myself strength. The last thing I want to do is sit and watch my children suffer through their pain and not do anything about it because of my own pain. My fear is that I am not doing enough for them to help them, that I am not strong enough for them......I don't want to ruin them, I don't want to cause them more pain. I want them to gain strength from me and I guess today I am not sure if I am doing that for them. I pray that I am, I pray that I am giving them what they need. I just don't know right now.
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Mary
I have told you since the first memorial on post for Joel that I thought you were a strong willed women. I don't know if it's Joel or God that is carrying you through this, most likely both, but you have handled everything handed your way with great strength, integrity, and pride. From day one you have honored your husband. Taking the time to tell each and every soldier how your husband felt about them, to honoring him at all the ceremonies and awards he has gotten, to teaching your girls all about their papa. You have so much more on your plate than the average 29yr old woman, and you have handled it very well. I wish that I could ease your pain and the girls pain, but we all know there are gonna be days that you don't wanna get out of bed, that you just sit and look at his picures, and want him in your arms, Mary that would be anyone. But I know you have been strong, please never doubt you are strong enough for these girls, you are. You are wonderful. You set out on a path almost 7 years ago with Joel to have your family and had 2 beautiful girls and for some reason god took him. You can't just wake up one morning and not feel that yall weren't cheated. Yall had so many plans so much that has but so much that hasn't been achieved. Things are gonna be hard on you and on the girls. Please don't ever doubt your strength cause to me you have so much strength you could never let Joel or the girls down.
Please take care of yourself and know yall are always in our prayers
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