Random thoughts

As I sit here, thinking about everything I need to get done in my home, thinking I should get up and get moving, I just want to sit here, not move....Rethink and relive some of the memories. I have been doing it all morning, since the time I woke up, taking the girls to school, running......Does this feeling ever go away? Some days I want it too, but some days I don't, I just want to absorb it in and let it consume me. The practical, mommy part of me tells myself, I can't, it affects the girls on when I do this, they get sad, irritable and are constantly making sure it is not them that mama is upset with. I am having one of those days right now, I just want it to consume me, let it take me down to that low, only to have to pick myself up later. I don't know if it is the fact that yesterday was truly the 4 month mark, or conversations I have had, or just the plain fact that my husband is not with me anymore. These are days that I feel completely at a loss, not sure which way to go, what to do, or how to act. I get through it, somehow, and it makes me stronger, each and every day. I know, from past experience, that this is all a part of the process, but there are days that I just wish the process had an "easy" button, or a timeline so I knew exactly when and where these moments were going to occur and know how long they are going to last. Oh, if life were that simple........