The Pen

I beleive in signs, sings from God or signs from our loved ones who have passed before us. Today I was in my car, looking for my check book and a pen. I knew there was not a pen in the car because I had searched it yesterday, found a broken one and threw it out. There was not another one in site. I found my check book, and realized, there is not a pen in here, I will have to wait until I get to the school to write the check. I looked over at my passenger seat and there sitting ontop of the papers in the seat(ones I just layed there a few minutes earlier), there was a black pen. The ball point type that the Army buys in bulk(the ones with the caps), Joel always had at least two of these in his BDU blouse top, and at least two in the car. I have found some of these pens in our office as I have been cleaning and organizing. Today, when I saw that pen, I just stared at it, almost driving off of the road. I picked it up, held it and just cried, not sure what to think. I knew there was not a pen in the car and certainly not one like this. I use the retractable kind so I don't have to worry about caps. I looked at the cap and I saw bit marks on the cap, Joel always chewed on his caps when he was thinking or rereading what he was just working on. I knew this was a sign from Joel, I knew it was his way of telling him that he was with me then. I was having a tough moment then, and was not sure what to do about it. I had gone up to see S, someone who used to work with Joel. I had been thinking about going up there, but I decided at the last minute to do it. I am so glad I did, it was a good conversation and it also gave me some answers and validity to some of my dreams. Even though it was great to chat with this person and spend some time with them, it was also a little draining and difficult at the same time and I was crying the whole way home. When I saw that pen, I just knew that Joel was with me, that this was his way of telling me that he is always with me through those difficult moments.