The Flag Box

Today started out as a very good day, then it started to roll down hill this afternoon. The girls and I had our pictures taken today for the local newspaper. It should be a good article, that part I am sure of, the picture part of it, a heck of a lot harder than I thought it would be. They first took some family photo's, then they wanted a picture of me with the flag box. I have it out in my living room, with a picture of the girls and a statue of a soldier and Jesus that my Aunt D gave me. It is a nice tribute to my husband. I have not looked inside the flag box in a very long time, I think that is my way of handeling things and making it easier. Some may call it a little of denial. Sitting there with the open flag box, holding it in my hands, waiting for the photo's to be taken, it seemed like an eternity. I am pretty sure a few of the shots he took had a tear or two running down my face. It was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be and it brought a lot of pain that I was not expecting. I had not put the box back onto the shelf yet, it was still sitting on the kitchen table. Faith was sitting next to it, doing a puzzle and I looked up to see her sitting there, flag box open. She is repeating, CPT Joel Eric Cahill, over and over. She is touching the flag, touching all of his awards( by now I am sitting with her) and she is askin me what the awards mean. I am trying my hardest not to cry, becuase I don't want her to think she needs to stop because mama is crying. I told her what the awards meant, the ones I knew, explained all of his badges and what they meant. We have a book that my sister in law G put together that has an explanation of the awards, I asked her if she wanted it, she no, this is enough. Then I got up and I heard her saying, Army, Army, Army......I went and sat with her again and she looked at me, with the saddest eyes and said, "mama, I guess he was important, huh?" I said yes honey he was, very important. She said he still is mama, to all of us. I wanted to lay down and baul, just sob, but I smiled the best I could and said, yes ma'am you are absolutely right. My five year old, she gets it better than I do sometimes. It broke my heart to hear her say those things, things a five year old should not say. At the same time, it made me so happy for her, she is understanding and accepting her papa's death, she knows he is gone and now she is understanding that he was important, and still is. Out of the mouth's of babes comes the best wisdom sometimes. I am so very proud of her, her strength and her attitude.